


Taste the Rainbow... OF DEATH

by HostisHumaniGeneris



Category: Prototype (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22212343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HostisHumaniGeneris/pseuds/HostisHumaniGeneris
Summary: Always, I want to be with youAnd make believe with youAnd live in harmony, harmony oh love
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18
Collections: Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash 2020





	Taste the Rainbow... OF DEATH

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/gifts).



> For the EAD Birthday Bash, a celebration of only the _best_ writers and ideas.

Corporal Maritimus took a knee, surveying the carnage. They’d heard reports that ZEUS was in the AO. By the time they fast-roped from the Blackhawk, it was all over.

“How many were there supposed to be?” Private Kowalski asked. “I count…”

He trialed off. ZEUS maulings tended to make it impossible to piece together which limb belonged to which person. That wasn’t really the curious thing, anyways—the entire platoon would be written off, any MIA was almost assuredly dead. The strange thing was the state some of the bodies were in.

With ZEUS, bisection was likely. Decapitation, disembowelment, amputation, exsanguination, blunt force trauma, gunshot wounds, the aftermath of explosions, bludgeoning… Maritimus had even seen a man hog-tied with his own spinal column. ZEUS did some weird, shit, man.

But some of these wounds, they weren’t from claws. Or guns. It almost looked like… _hooves_?

The lump of broken meat that best guess used to be Sergeant Halverson was trampled apparently. By a horse. Okay, Maritimus knew that there were horses in Central Park from some schmaltzy Christmas movie—had ZEUS eaten one? And if so, why did he wait until _now_ to try to change into one? Hell, _why try it in the first place_?

And more, there seemed to be something faintly luminous about the wounds, a shifting pattern of warm, pastel colors emanating faintly.

“Sir, movement!” Kowalski said, raising his rifle. “Rooftops.”

Maritimus took in a deep breath. He’d had the lucky to always somehow end up on _cleanup_ detail after ZEUS. He never had to face the freak before. Which was what he attributed his survival to. Still, if he had a rendezvous with death, he was not going to fail to make it. He wheeled around, gun raised.

Then his gun, and his jaw, dropped.

Bounding over a roof was a white horse. It sailed down gently, not like a horse in freefall should’ve. And it wasn’t quite _white._ It was glowing, and the main body of the thing seemed white, but the light trailing from it seemed to shift kaleidoscopically, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.

Those wounds on what remained of Haverson came to mind.

And on the horse, a rider sat.

Side saddle.

“Is that ZEUS in a teddy?” Private Ramirez blurted out as the hooves made a lyrical chiming sound upon connecting with the pavement.

“Nah, I think it’s a slip.” Kowalski said. “You see, a teddy’s kinda like a one-piece swimsuit…”

“Maybe it’s a camisole?” The even, completely unphased voice of Red Crown said over their radios.

“Why the fuck are you debating _what kind of women’s underwear he’s in_?” Maritimus snapped.

ZEUS dismounted. A coquettish smirk appeared across his face, mostly-hidden by the shadow of his hood. He leaned in, stroking the long face of the horse—and then Maritimus noticed the blood-stained horn poking out.

Alex Mercer in a pink dress was about to murder them with a unicorn.

Maritimus had been prepared to die. But die to something cool, like zombies, or a big explosion, or a shapeshifting monster who was _not wearing a pink short dress under it’s leather coat because he didn’t want the last thing running through his head being ‘what’s a teddy’?_ He was not going to die today.

A brilliant tactical maneuver was needed to pull this off.

“Wait! We’re not Blackwatch!” Maritimus shouted hands raised. “Um… we’re… a Performance Art group from Soho… um… White…blind. Yeah. These are just costumes. And airsoft guns.”

Ramirez promptly planted a palm against his face. And accidentally dropped his rifle, which went off. Zeus's head snapped in that direction.

"That was... just... a sound effect!" Maritimus said, trying to avoid looking at the literal smoking gun. "It means it is time for use to dance."

And at this, Maritimus did the proceeded to do his best mime impression, as if his life depended on selling this lie. Because his life absolutely depended on his and his squad's ability to sell the lie. The rest of the squad looked at him, apparently catching on. Ramirez did an awkward robot while beatboxing through his gasmask. Schreiber pulled out a deck of cards and insisted that ZEUS pick one—he declined.

And Kowalsi… Kowalski’d it.

All while Red Crown was asking for a status update, Kowalsi writhed and spun, stepping out of his armor. And the rest of his clothes.

Okay… apparently Kowalski had good reason to know what a _teddy_ was, because he was apparently wearing one underneath his armor. ZEUS nooded sagely, hopped back on his mount, and said “Come, Dreamweaver. We ride!”

And then they pranced off, into the sky.

“We are…” Maritimus looked around, at the broken meat of the previous patrol, at Kowalski, _who was still stripping despite ZEUS being gone_ , and at those glowing rainbow footprints. “Never speaking of this again.”

“I mean… it got him to not kill us.” Ramirez said, conspicuously looking everywhere _but_ at Kowalski. “It could be vital intel…”

“Never. Again.”

**Author's Note:**

> There is no excuse for this.


End file.
